On Quitting And The Pressures Of Success
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Blogging is something very dear to me. Apart from it's various benefits, it's an opportunity I do not take for granted.
It gives me a voice and this is something that I've wanted for so long, I'm actually quite shocked I thought about quitting. Oh, I did.
I thought about deleting the blog and putting three years of this experience in the deep recesses of my mind. I hesitated. It was a real struggle, heavily weighing on me just shutting everything down.
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It gives me a voice and this is something that I've wanted for so long, I'm actually quite shocked I thought about quitting. Oh, I did.
I thought about deleting the blog and putting three years of this experience in the deep recesses of my mind. I hesitated. It was a real struggle, heavily weighing on me just shutting everything down.
The mind is a funny thing. It's weird how we judge based on outward appearances and the person whose smile is the widest is actually crying inside.
Not that I was smiling widely. This is a very rare occurrence mostly captured candidly. But I was sad. And something else. Since December 2016, since 2016- let's face it, things have not been quite right with me and I thought this could be conquered with determination.
When that failed, I turned to God (which should've been my first choice anyways) and everything would be alright but then I would sink again. This happened so many times, I got tired of pretending.
I generally take things too seriously, I know. But when the Camel's back broke was when I kept on putting so much effort and it was like water spilling out a basket after it's repeated filled... I guess I sort of broke too.
The worst part was comparison. I didn't compare to bring myself down but to look and see what others were doing right and when I implemented their methods and nothing still, I felt like giving everything up, even things that were unrelated.
No, the worst part was knowing this wasn't a rational reaction. Knowing, that nothing was actually wrong. Nobody died. I didn't have cancer. I wasn't getting kicked out of school or trying to conceive a baby. This made things worse, made me wonder if I was quite alright.
The future is a scary thing. Especially when everything seems uncertain. There are basic life decisions I should've made by now and that thought scared me to no end.
What if things don't work out?
This really scares me because I feel like all the above would be my fault. I probably made the wrong decision, focused on the wrong things and that's why nothing worked out.
So what changed?
1. How come I'm back to normal? (Or getting there).
2. How come I'm blogging again.
-To the first question, I have no idea. I just realized I shouldn't stress. I guess I'm resigned to the fact that no matter what happens, No matter what curve life throws me, things will be fine. Apart from knowing God got me, He has also equipped me with the skills and determination to survive.
So I know I'll be fine.
-To the second question, blogging simply makes me happy. The process of creating content, however frustrating sometimes, is actually exciting. My blog combines all my hobbies together so when you think about it, I'm having fun.
This experience has really opened my eyes to the fact that everyone is going through something. I realize a problem such as feeling maltreated or being hungry doesn't compare to something like cancer but a problem is a problem.
Problems might not have the same magnitude but they generally have a similar effect so reach out. Do little things for people. During the period stated above, it was the little things like a friend taking me out for walk after I had surprised myself by crying that lifted my spirits.
What are your biggest frustrations right now? And if they're too personal, have you ever thought of quitting something that's a huge part of your life?
Let me know in the comments.
Cheers!xx
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6 comments
Hey hun, I feel like giving up on my blog all the time. Sometimes, I just avoid my blogger account for days cause I don't even want to look at the stats or the posts or anything. And blogging isn't as easy as it seems or as people outside think.
ReplyDeleteI think in the long run, we should just be original, believe in our selves and our blogs first, put out great content and keep at it and there will be results eventually. ,,
Sometimes, just think about that one person that said oh, I love your blog and let that be the reason you don't give up even if it's for that one reader. xx
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Hi Daniella!
DeleteThank you so much for the kind and very sensible words. I eventually came to this decision but u actually didnt factor in the blog readers.
Thank you so much for this.
Damn . I wanted to quit too. Life hit me hard this 2017 but I thank God for life and hope to make a come back to my blog very soon.
ReplyDeletewww.thetosintoge.com
You hit the nail on the head, we thank God for life. Life.
DeleteWe'll be awaiting your return to the blogosphere.
It's a good thing you are back and didn't quit. I quit blogging for a while because I felt I wasn't growing... but seriously, I wasn't happy with that decision. Thank God I'm back.
ReplyDeletewww.okoroyvonne.com
I know, right! This blogging thing seems to grow on people.
Delete